Lani on Life

Check on your friends with blended families

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Since everything appears to be in retrograde (and I have no actual clue what that means), I’m finding my blended family as a serious source of stress these days. Being in a blended family brings about a set of challenges no one can prepare you for. As women, we always want to hold down the fort, not complain, and work through our issues in our own heads. It’s not the best solution, but it’s one we hold hands with time and time again. Just like all the internet meme’s are suggesting, “Check on your friends who______”. Check on your friends with blended families, they are not okay!

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If you’re thinking, “well you chose that life”, STOP! STOP! That is not how you check on your friends and support them. That is the complete opposite. We blended mama’s need support from our tribe to help press on towards great things for ourselves and our family. Here are some ways you can check on your friends (especially your blended family friends):

Be a supportive shoulder

Stepmoms are especially in need of a supportive shoulder to lean on. Not only are some of us biological moms, but we are also bonus moms that get to deal with bio and bonus issues. We don’t need the “girl that could never be me” friends rather the “I understand, you can do this” friends. The key is to be a positive support system when we don’t feel so positive. We genuinely love our girlfriends that are down to ride but in this case, we need you to talk us off the ledge, not stand on the ledge with us. So in other words, check on your friend by letting her vent, cry, scream and then give her some sound advice.

Encourage a positive outlet

Check on your friend by encouraging her to find a positive outlet. Many times when we get in a funk, we like to indulge in things that aren’t so positive (cue all the college stereotypes you can think of). But some of those activities give us the opportunity to revel in the funk rather than rid ourselves of it. Since we are someone’s mama, we need positive ways to blow off steam. Whatever you and your girlfriend are into, do that. I personally enjoy anything that involves water or logic puzzles. So some of these beautiful Florida beaches or any escape room in town would do it for me. In these stressful instances, it is OKAY not to hype your friend up.

So this year, keep your blended family friends uplifted in love, support, and encouragement. It only takes a moment to send a text message or call to check on your friends!

Keep doing (the best) you boo!

xoxo Lani

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8 thoughts on “Check on your friends with blended families

  1. Thanks for sharing this perspective. I have two mothers-in-law and they are both step-moms and have shared with me some of the challenges of caring for someone else’s children. It is a hard, but noble task.

  2. I am can relate to this on so many levels. My brother and I have different fathers. My mom was married to his dad. So they would do things as a family and I just stayed behind. We moved to Texas and I really became depressed. I had all of my friends and cousins that made them doing their own family thing unnoticeable and now I had to face it. I was very lonely and sad. I didn’t like my mom’s husband, it wasn’t literal fights all of the time. So glad that is behind me now.

  3. If it wasn’t for this post, I would never have thought of it this way. Had to actually look up the meaning of a ‘blended family’. Definitely more sensitive to this now! ?

  4. I was raised in a blended family, there were good times and definitely hard times. You gave good tips. Thanks for sharing!

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